"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."
Clarence B. Kelland
Have you ever wondered what other stay at home dads are thinking? What other views and experiences thay have had and how they have dealt with them?
Well now you don't have to wonder anymore as you can read the views of other stay at home dads here. Each page will be dedicated to a different topic and I would like to include opinions from as many different stay at home dads as possible.
So why not share your experiences with us. Simply go to the 'Contact Me' page and submit your views. All submissions from dads are welcome and I will try to include as many as possible onto the site.
"I’m a stay at home dad – with twins and as you can imagine; life is pretty full.
I’m often told I must be mad, but I know different. I’m really lucky to be blessed with twins and involved in their day-to-day upbringing. Well, that’s the theory; the reality is organised chaos not least because I also run an internet business from home.
The business has been born out of the twins. Let me start at the beginning. Just over two years ago Joseph and Isobel were born and like many others we found our local Twins Group and friendly TAMBA representative a great source of information, help and support. A year later, my wife Cathie and I took the decision that I would stay at home whilst Cathie returned to work.
So, with my hands full with our two children we also embarked on the development of an internet shop, offering nursery goods and an information sharing point for parents of twins and multiples. We were so frustrated at the difficulties in finding the right products for our babies and the distinct lack of reductions when buying two of everything. We heard the same comments from so many others, so twins-store.co.uk was born.
On a daily basis I do all the usual stuff mums and dads do: bath times, walks to the shops, meals, play parks, nursery, groups etc, but in-between, I’m snatching time to run the online business: dealing with suppliers, marketing the company, dealing with orders.
My typical day starts at around 7.15am, when I’m usually awoken by the hum of Cathie’s hair dryer as she gets ready for work. She has the joy of waking the babies at around 7.45am, has cuddles, and prepares their breakfast. I then take over as we wave bye-bye to Mummy. After our bowl of cereal and milk, I get Joe and Izzy dressed and ready for what I like to call ‘fun time’ where we have a good run around (one of the highlights of the day for me as I get to be a big kid again!). Fridays are our favourite days when we go to our local twins group.
Lunch is usually 12 noon, after which we take a trip to the shops, or go to a local play park to burn off some energy. We arrive home by mid afternoon, in time for a well deserved snack and a nap. One thing we learnt early on is the importance of routine and I try, as much as possible, to keep to our meal and nap times – as much for me as the twins as every spare minute is spent focusing on the business.
Dinner for the babies starts at 5.30pm followed by bath time and getting ready for bed, then the long wait for mummy to arrive home from work. From this time onwards, its Mummy’s opportunity to play, read a bedtime story, and take them to bed after their milk and snack. Cathie and I get some time to catch up on our day, have dinner then it’s back to the business.
Does it get easier? We hear from other parents it gets ‘different’. I’m not sure I know what that means yet, but I’m looking forward to the experience!"
Nigel Sanders, UK
"When my wife and I were expecting our first child Amy, we had no understanding of being a parent and like many expecting parents we had many ideas which now seem ridiculous.
As some of you may know if you wish to place your child into a nursery you have to get them in long before they are born. When looking around these places everything seems fine, but as I mentioned before we do not know what we are looking for or at. Anyway, Amy started nursery at the very young age of 6 months. I forgot to mention that nurseries usually tell you when you can look around. which means no surprise visits (this is the first warning sign). We gave the nursery a list of instructions with times of sleeps, food, likes and so on. At which point they nod and say no problem. At the end of the first day I collected Amy and she looked exhausted, this I was told was normal but will soon change and that Amy would be ok. Not knowing anything else I went along with it.
This went on for a while and then the illnesses started. The thing is if your child is sick, you cannot take them to nursery which means someone has to be off work. In my case this person was me (I earned the least, so better for me to lose pay than my wife). While your child is ill you still have to pay for nursery, so this becomes a double loss. And because of this the next thing is work did not like this.
We eventually came to a decision that I would work part-time, this meant that Amy would only go 50 percent of the time. One afternoon when I went for lunch I thought I would pop in on Amy (secretly being fed up with Amy's illnesses and her lack of sleep). I found 2 carers looking after 10 babies. "Looking after" was an exaggeration as they were talking to each other and ignoring the crying children and occasionally tapping the recliners in order to calm the children down. I watched this for what seemed a good half hour, but was only a couple of mins and went up to them. They were surprised and started stuttering, saying "she's only been like this for a minute". B*****s!! which was my reply. Looking at my daughters " no sleep all day" face broke my heart and I wanted to kill these little twits. I removed her at once.
I am not saying all nurseries are like this because they are not. What I am saying is think carefully. If there is more than one cot in a room, there will be little chance of your child getting it's needed sleep. After this Amy went to a child minders where it was one on one care and it was only for 2 days a week. Then we moved to a different area (due to the wife's job) and I became the full time carer working for myself in the evening which worked a lot better.
If anyone is deciding to stay at home and look after their child or children the thing to think about is cost. Not everyone is fortunate to be able to stay off work. If you can work 50/50 this is very good as both parents share responsibility and obviously who ever earns the most should go to work and the other can stay at home even if this means sometimes things get a little tight .
Just remember your children are only young once, DO NOT WASTE THIS TIME !!"
Paul Boulton, Cambs
"The decision for me to become a stay at home dad was made when my wife was expecting our first child and was quite a straightforward one.
We both believe that children should be raised by their parents, after all what's the point in having children if you are then going to give them over to someone else to bring up for most of the time. We have got nothing against nurseries and I understand that not everyone is the position to be able to give up one income, but we do feel that children, particularly when very young, benefit a lot more by being with either parent in their own home.
So, as my wife got more out of her job, had the better career and therefore, higher earnings then me it was clear that I should be the one to give up work and stay at home with the baby. It was something that we had thought about before so I was kind of accustomed to the idea beforehand and looking forward to the time when it would happen. My wife was much happier with the thought of going back to work knowing that our child was going to be at home with me then she would be if she had to leave them in a nursery full-time and, as she is a teacher, we all benefit greatly by having the school holidays off together.
We are lucky in that my wife earns a reasonable amount and we don't have an extravagant lifestyle so can afford for me to stay at home. With some economising and some flexible working hours many more parents could find a way to be able to spend more time at home with their children, whether one person works full-time or they both work part-time. Of course in an ideal world the government would actually provide financial help to parents who choose to stay at home and look after their children rather than trying to force everyone back to work at the earliest opportunity.
The idea of being at home and being able to bring up your child in your own way, to your own standards and ideals, to value and respect the same things you do is an appealing and very satisfying thought. Of course the reality is totally different but as an expectant first-time parent you have no inclination of what it is really going to be like!"
Paul Smith (Site Creator)